50 WAYS TO SCARE THE BEEGES OUT OF PEOPLE IN COMPUTER LAB
 
  1.  Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream
      "Oh my God!  They've found me!" and bolt.
 
  2.  Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
      suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
 
  3.  When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that
      you can't get the damn thing to work.  After he/she's turned it on,
      wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half
      hour.
 
  4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you,
     evilly.
 
  5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different
     screen than the one it's set up with.
 
  6. Write a program that plays the "Rocky" theme song and play it at the
     highest volume possible over & over again.
 
  7. Work normally for a while.  Suddenly look amazingly startled by
     something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
 
  8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
     Pentagon files.
 
  9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
 
  10.  Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
 
  11.  Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it.  If anyone asks why you have it,
       say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
 
  12.  Type on VAX for a while.  Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at
       everything bad about your life.  Then stop and continue typing.
 
  13.  Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as
       if they're crazy while typing.
 
  14.  Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
 
  15.  Ask around for a spare disk.  Offer $2.  Keep asking until someone
       agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
 
  16.  Every time you press Return and there is processing time required,
       pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!"  when it
       finishes.
 
  17.  "DISK FIGHT!!!"
 
  18.  Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you  (It
       helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make
       new friends).
 
  19.  Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.  Type by
       hitting the keys with the straw.
 
  20.  If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion
       Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
 
  21.  Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your
       monitor.  Try to seduce it.  Act like it hates you and then complain
       loudly that women (men) are worthless.
 
  22.  Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it
       doesn't work, get the supervisor.
 
  23.  When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the
       smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
 
  24.  Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done
       (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
 
  25.  Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely.  After doing
       this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
 
  26.  Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next
       to you, grinding.  Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke
       the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension,
       and it is far more effective to let them linger.
 
  27.  If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut
       them and deposit them on your keyboard as you leave.
 
  28.  Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your
       desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
 
  29.  Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks.  Remove shoes and
       place them of top of the monitor.  Remove socks layer by layer
       and drape them around the monitor.  Exclaim sudden haiku about
       the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
 
  30.  Take the keyboard and sit under the computer.  Type up your paper like
       this.  Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad
       working conditions.
 
  31.  Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and
       continue working.
 
  32.  Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
 
  33.  Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the
       B key is F sharp, etc.).  Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly.
       Write an entire paper this way.
 
  34.  Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
 
  35.  Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me,
       mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
 
  36.  Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
 
  37.  When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the
       old ways are best.
 
  38.  Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
 
  39.  Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again
       until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit
       the space bar so your fill isn't affected).  Then look at
       your neighbor's keyboard.  Hit his/her delete key several times,
       erasing an entire word.  While you  do this, ask:
       "Does *your* delete key work?"  Shake your head, and resume
       hitting the space bar on your keyboard.  Keep doing this until
       you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document.  Then,
       suddenly exclaim:  "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the
       space bar this whole time.  No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!"
       Print out your document and leave. >>
 
  40.  Remove your disk from the drive and hide it.  Go to the lab monitor
       and complain that your computer ate your disk.  (For special effects,
       put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive.  Claim that
       the computer is drooling.)
 
  41.  Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled,
       burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly.  Keep laughing,
       grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
 
  42. Point at the screen.  Chant in a made up language while making
      elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two.  Press return or the
      mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!"  peek up from
      under the table, walk back to the computer and say.  "Oh, good.
      It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
 
  43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and try to swat them.
 
  44. See who's online.  Send a total stranger a talk request.  Talk to them
      like you've known them all your lives.  Hangup before they get a chance
      to figure out you're a total stranger.
 
  45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
      Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
 
  46.  Pull out a pencil.  Start writing on the screen.  Complain that the
       lead doesn't work.
 
  47.  Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of
       flowers in your hair.  Smile incessantly.  Type a sentence, then laugh
       happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen.  Repeat
  this
       after every sentence.  As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard.
       Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk
       out.
 
  48.  Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then
       calmly sit down and begin to type.
 
  49.  Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw,
       rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say,
       "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the
       next week".
 
  50.  Two words:  Tesla Coil.